Home Again

Back on the Dark Road

This week has been hard. Hard to breathe. I have spent three days doing nothing but sitting and keeping quiet. Any activity results in difficulty breathing. At least when quiet the difficulty is less. I know it will pass, hopefully without a trip to the ER. I’ve tried every trick I know to stop it--inhalers, extra water pills, breathing slowly. Nothing has worked except rest and time. All plans I had for this week are cancelled and I am home alone until my husband gets off work.

I have had these “spells” before and my doctors have no idea why this happens to me. Not for lack of trying. I have been thorough a lot of tests that have not revealed anything and none of the standard treatments work. My blood work and oxygen levels are fine, X-rays are clear, and my heart looks pretty good lying on my left side on the echo table.

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I stared writing this three weeks ago when I went through 3 days of discouragement over my health issues. I spent time recalling things that I have given up over the years, times I have been left out, and times I have said no to doing things all because of my health issues. I was having a big pity party of one. On the third night as I was getting ready for bed and dwelling on how often I have been alone and lonely, God quietly reminded me that he has been with me all of my life. The pity party instantly dissolved and I felt at peace and deeply loved. God found me wandering on the Dark Road and brought me home again--the home that is His presence.