HEATHER

I met Heather when the wife of one of our pastors asked me to talk to her about how she was dressing; the men were uncomfortable. She was the mother of a three-year-old son and infant daughter, and married to a Coast Guardsman named Peter. I was recently divorced and starting the empty nest phase of my life. We met for coffee and I immediately liked this young mother. Even though she was raised in a church, she had many questions about Jesus and scripture. We continued to share coffee and conversations fairly regularly until the Coast Guard transferred her husband and thus the family to a new post in 2006. When they were transferred back to Sacramento in 2011, we resumed meeting together. That is when she began a journey of pain, disability, and PTSD.

Heather developed abdominal pain that was diagnosed as cholangitis—an inflammation of the bile ducts often caused by gallstones. She went into the hospital for routine gallbladder removal. The recovery didn’t go as expected. Her pain increased and her abdomen began to swell. Her surgeon thought she just wanted drugs so dismissed the symptoms. Eventually, a consult with a Gastroenterologist led to an endoscopy that revealed the bile duct wasn’t properly closed, letting the caustic bile into her abdomen creating peritonitis and the need for immediate surgery to close the leak. With the delay due to her doctor’s denial, she also developed a fungal infection of the tissue covering the intestines—an infection that many don’t survive. If asked, Heather would tell you she survived only by the grace of God. Though alive, her life was changed.

Heather continued to have episodes of pain and severe swelling of the abdomen that doctors couldn’t diagnose. Narcotics were the only thing that helped her tolerated the pain. If the pain wasn’t controlled at home, she would go to the ER to get relief. Often the people there didn’t believe how severe the pain was and labeled her as a drug seeker. A variety of diets were tried with no results. Where ever her husband was stationed, she searched for an answer. Twice she had surgery to remove the scar tissue that had developed, again without relief. Eventually, she found a doctor who understood the Abdominal Adhesion Disorder that cause Heather’s pain and swelling. That physician helped her get off of the narcotics she was now addicted to and began her on cannabis which gave her relief. There is more to the medical details of this part of the journey but it is the miracle of who she has become that makes her a hero.

Over the years, I have seen her struggle with pain, the insecurity of uncertainty, the frustration of being dismissed, anger over the misdeeds of a surgeon, and fear of what the future will be like. I have also seen her fight for a better life. She took up weight lifting and hiking which has made her stronger physically and emotionally. She has forgiven the doctor who caused her suffering. And she serves the God she continued to love and trust through it all by helping other women with addictions along with anyone else who needs it. Her heart and her home are always open for others who just need to sit, eat, and talk to someone who cares about them. She faithfully attends and serves in whatever church she and her husband find where ever the Coast Guard sends them. And she posts honest looks at her life and struggles on Tik Tok, including the days she has to wear her “big girl” wardrobe because her stomach is swollen to the size of a 6-month pregnancy.

Today, Heather lives in the Washington, D.C. area where her husband is currently stationed. Her son and daughter are grown and living lives of their own serving others—her son through the Coast Guard and her daughter as a Physical Therapist. I miss the times when she and Peter were stationed close enough to visit. I never knew what would happen or who might come over for dinner, but I knew she loved me and we would laugh and cry together. Whenever one of us needs a friend, the other picks up the phone for a long conversation. Heather is a hero to me because she didn’t give in to bitterness, self-pity, or despair but allowed God to shape her into a beautiful, loving, giving, and strong friend.