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Just Enough

An Unexpected Healing

06/16/2022 Just enough I have been on an amazing journey with God. He has challenged me to believe in the Holy Spirit’s power and act on it. He has led me to resources such as The Daily text, Holy Spirit Summer, and Livestream Book club. The journey has been incredible. Today, I received an amazing insight. I have prayed all my life for healing from the heart deformities I was born with. I had surgery to repair these deformities at the age of 16 and I believed that to be my healing. But it was temporary and my heart began to fail again in my late 40’s resulting in an early retirement from my practice as a family physician-the calling I thought would be my life’s work. God has helped me understand my calling to be something much higher and simpler-to bring his love into this world. Although I have accepted this and the fact that God has chosen not to heal me, I still struggle with the grief and loss of being unable to do what my emotional heart and my head say I should. Not knowing what strength I will have from day to day means I don’t know how to plan my time. My to do list often sits unattended with the hope the next day will be better. I recently have connected with a group of women physicians here in Sacramento. At our first meeting, we went around the room and gave a short introduction about our lives. When it became my turn to share and I said, “I was born with Tetralogy of Fallot” I could hear the gasp of surprise. They all know that my survival to this point in my life is very unusual. When I shared the same thing later with one of the women at coffee, she exclaimed, “You are a miracle!” I have been aware of this and I am grateful God has given me this miracle. But it isn’t what I have prayed for. Today, as I was reading about live-streaming the Holy Spirit, a memory came to mind. In my 50’s, I was evaluated for a heart transplant for the first time. Part of the evaluation is a test called a max VO2. During this test, a person walks on a treadmill while wearing a mask to see how quickly the body moves from aerobic metabolism (burning sugar for energy using oxygen) to anaerobic metabolism (burning sugar for energy without oxygen). This metabolism is done by organs in the cells called mitochondria. Anaerobic metabolism is supposed to be for emergency use and the energy is used up very quickly. The test shows what exercise capacity a body has and correlates with predicted survival time. Mine was very low. However, the doctor doing the test was surprised that my curve was unusual. He surmised that it showed my body had been going in and out of anaerobic metabolism for a long time. Then he said, “Wouldn’t you like to know how your mitochondria are different from mine?” That statement stayed in my head for the next several days along with the prayer, “God, are you so intimate that you would change the very nature of the cells in my body?” It was a profound realization. Repeated VO2 tests have continued to show an unusual adaptation that the doctors can’t explain. While reading testimonies of healing this morning, this memory and the profoundness of what God has done began to overwhelm me again. This time, however, God revealed that he did answer my prayers. He healed me just enough. Just enough to live in dependence on him. Just enough to see my boys grow into adulthood. Just enough to continue to serve Him. Was it the full healing I have prayed for all of my life? No. I don’t know why that is. To my mind, I could have done a lot more for him if I had all of the energy I needed. But I also know that he has shaped me and used me for his glory just the way I am. He has healed me just enough. I am processing this new revelation.

06/16/2022
Just enough
I have been on an amazing journey with God. He has challenged me to believe in the Holy Spirit’s power and act on it. He has led me to resources such as The Daily text, Holy Spirit Summer, and Livestream Book club. The journey has been incredible. Today, I received an amazing insight.
I have prayed all my life for healing from the heart deformities I was born with. I had surgery to repair these deformities at the age of 16 and I believed that to be my healing. But it was temporary and my heart began to fail again in my late 40’s resulting in an early retirement from my practice as a family physician-the calling I thought would be my life’s work. God has helped me understand my calling to be something much higher and simpler-to bring his love into this world. Although I have accepted this and the fact that God has chosen not to heal me, I still struggle with the grief and loss of being unable to do what my emotional heart and my head say I should. Not knowing what strength I will have from day to day means I don’t know how to plan my time. My to do list often sits unattended with the hope the next day will be better.

I recently have connected with a group of women physicians here in Sacramento. At our first meeting, we went around the room and gave a short introduction about our lives. When it became my turn to share and I said, “I was born with Tetralogy of Fallot” I could hear the gasp of surprise. They all know that my survival to this point in my life is very unusual. When I shared the same thing later with one of the women at coffee, she exclaimed, “You are a miracle!” I have been aware of this and I am grateful God has given me this miracle. But it isn’t what I have prayed for.

Today, as I was reading about live-streaming the Holy Spirit, a memory came to mind. In my 50’s, I was evaluated for a heart transplant for the first time. Part of the evaluation is a test called a max VO2. During this test, a person walks on a treadmill while wearing a mask to see how quickly the body moves from aerobic metabolism (burning sugar for energy using oxygen) to anaerobic metabolism (burning sugar for energy without oxygen). This metabolism is done by organs in the cells called mitochondria. Anaerobic metabolism is supposed to be for emergency use and the energy is used up very quickly. The test shows what exercise capacity a body has and correlates with predicted survival time. Mine was very low. However, the doctor doing the test was surprised that my curve was unusual. He surmised that it showed my body had been going in and out of anaerobic metabolism for a long time. Then he said, “Wouldn’t you like to know how your mitochondria are different from mine?” That statement stayed in my head for the next several days along with the prayer, “God, are you so intimate that you would change the very nature of the cells in my body?” It was a profound realization. Repeated VO2 tests have continued to show an unusual adaptation that the doctors can’t explain.

While reading testimonies of healing this morning, this memory and the profoundness of what God has done began to overwhelm me again. This time, however, God revealed that he did answer my prayers. He healed me just enough. Just enough to live in dependence on him. Just enough to see my boys grow into adulthood. Just enough to continue to serve Him. Was it the full healing I have prayed for all of my life? No. I don’t know why that is. To my mind, I could have done a lot more for him if I had all of the energy I needed. But I also know that he has shaped me and used me for his glory just the way I am. He has healed me just enough. I am processing this new revelation.

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