Failure and Fear

The Result of Uncertainty

7/9/13

I feel so awful-physically and emotionally. The constant nausea and fatigue I have had for the past week is wearing on me. We are also in the middle of training our dog OSO. He was doing so well until tonight when I tried to play with him and the other dogs. He got so excited so fast and I got bit-again. I feel like such a failure. I don’t know what to do with him. Will he ever be able to play with other dogs? I just want to play with him without getting hurt. Is that too much to ask?

I am also scared. I am afraid the nausea is due to worsening heart stuff. I tell myself it is probably just a bad reaction to the Wellbutrin or some kind of virus, or H. pylori, but I can’t shake the fear that things are worse. If this is what it is going to be like as things get worse it is going to be hard to deal with. Can I do it? I’m not sure. At what point will it be too much for me to handle and I will fall apart?

It’s been a bad day.